California Highlights. (Part Three)

We head northward to find Calistoga, a tiny town nestled within the Sonoma Valley. Out mapquest directions don’t seem to suffice, so we decide to rely on the navigation service on my phone. We end up on Petrified Forest Road, winding at about five mph to keep from driving off the side of the mountain.

My phone is dying. I have no car charger. The GPS cannot locate us properly and keeps giving us bogus directions. We keep driving on this Petrified Forest Road (a comforting name) while I frantically write down directions from the phone, not sure if they are even correct or not. Thank god for excellent 90′s tunes lightening the mood for the trek.

The phone survived. We made it to the Calistoga Inn. Just in time to head to the bar on the bottom floor. It was DJ REGGAE NIGHT. YES.

We spent a few hours at the bar, eyeing the beautiful Calistoga man sitting alone at the barstool beside us, and bonding with bartender Danny. We promised him we’d come visit again. I’m sure he’ll be there, as he’s been working there for ten years already.

We awake from a good sleep to find complimentary breakfast waiting for us on the bottom floor. We seem to be the only people in the entire hotel. So we obviously feel obligated to eat an obscene amount of food to prevent waste. And we do so.

West coast brunch is different than east coast brunch. West coast has no meat. It’s all granola and fruit and fresh baked goods and fresh orange juice and dank coffee. East coast is usually composed of fat, egg, bacon, fat, ham, fried, chicken biscuit. Which I do enjoy from time to time, I’m not gonna lie. Anyway. West coast rules.

So then we explore Calistoga.

Today’s first project was exploring some wineries around Sonoma Valley. Not Napa. Sonoma is less commercial, it’s quieter, and less expensive. In other words, Sonoma = superior.

First stop: Kaz vineyard.

Kaz vineyard consisted of an odd little gated off house where the owner resides, a tasting barn, and and some patches of vines surrounding the property. They do.. 60 barrels a year? I think?

We kind of felt like we were intruding on such a quaint little piece of property. Especially considering it seemed like we were the only people actually on the property. We decided to explore anyway.

We wandered into a dark barn door and found a cashier’s counter with a sharp, super tan, super raspy old woman staring at us. We say hello. The wine tasting begins.

We go through twelve red wines, and jam out to the Rolling Stones with the raspy one for a while.

We wander outside into the backyard. A clusterfuck of old rusted bits and pieces of everything you can imagine. And lots of old plants. And a cat named Molly, who I hung out with for a while.

The raspy one showed us the Kaz fish pond, with the biggest fish I have ever seen in my life. This puppy was easily as big as Raphael (my mammoth cat, for those of you who don’t know). Apparently they had been abandoned at a foreclosed property, so the Kaz folk adopted them. They were fun.

Kaz winery photo jumping montage. There were too many awesome ones to pick just one.

We said our goodbyes to Molly and Raspy and the fish and headed next door to vineyard #2.

Next stop was Landmark Vineyards, a snazzy little piece of property not two mailboxes down from Kaz.

Once arrived, we met new friend Ryan, who poured wine generously and talked with us about anything and everything while we consumed it.

Jumping attempt #1: Jump off the ledge for superheight. Extremely painful and nearly impossible. We gave up quickly.

Preparing for jump plan B.

Luxury vineyard courtyard jumping photo accomplished.

New friend Ryan ended up really enjoying our company. He didn’t charge us for any of the wine, and put together a map of things to do and see before we left Sonoma. We said our goodbyes and headed onward to finish exploring before heading back to SF to catch our plane home.

First stop: Juanita Juanita.

Seemingly shady little taco shack on an old, slightly obscure Sonoma highway. Ryan said it would be a well-worthy place to grab a bite before we headed back to the city. We complied.

We decided to share a jerk chicken dish of sorts. We were presented with what looked like a rather round burrito. Perhaps because there was an ENTIRE chicken nestled inside of it. Yes, bones and all.. the whole thing. It was AMAZING. Well done, Juanita Juanita.

It only made sense to involve finger mustaches in a taco shack jumping photo.

Juanita Juanita washroom.

So continued our trek through the offroads of Sonoma Valley.

We noticed a gigantic hill in the distance (not this one…. the one of mention was too way big to fit into my camera lens). Nestled at the bottom was a… raceway? We were intrigued. Couldn’t think of a reason not to try and get on the property. So we headed to the gate.

A security guard was waiting for us. We didn’t have much of a plan set up.. so we simply explained that we noticed this hill and racetrack and wanted to know if she’d let us on the property to take pictures. We also mentioned we were from the South at some point, thinking that would somehow logically function as grounds for admission to a raceway. She actually complied. We headed onward and began our trek up the hill.

We arrive close to the top. As far as they’ll allow us to go at least. And what greater thing to be waiting for us than…. a giant hill COVERED IN SHEEP. Glorious.

High-altitude sheep covered hill jumping photo accomplished.

And then it was back to San Francisco for some last minute projects before plane-boarding time.

[to be continued...]

California Highlights. (Part Two)

[March 2009]

Day four: drive everywhere we possibly can.

Vista point jump.

Stop 2: Some amazing beach. Can’t remember the name, but I remember that it bore some sort of phonetic resemblance to pinot grigio.

So we started hiking.

Random Pacific Ocean cliffside jump.

Even higher more dangerous Pacific Ocean cliffside jump.

I was examining this fantastic truck in the beach parking lot, when I noticed a man approaching that looked like he should be the owner. His name was Pat. We became friends immediately and we talked about his truck for a while. Apparently he built the entire thing himself. He then asked me on a date, immediately apologized for being old, and drove off. Farewell Pat.

We stopped at a couple of beaches on the way back north, and made some friends.

Next stop: HALF MOON BAY! It’s a little town about 45 mins south of San Francisco. I had been told to go there, and so had Kate, so we naturally had to comply.

Half Moon Bay jump.

We were told to dine at Half Moon Bay Brewing Co., so we did so. We couldn’t decide on a beer, so we ended up trying all ten brews simultaneously.

We split a lunch sandwich to make up for our hefty beer purchase. Kate neglected to drink her share of the beverages because she was driving, so I really had no choice but to consume them myself. Hello lunchtime drunktime.

Back into the mini. Heading northbound.

Kate has a bit of a fear of driving on bridges. Needless to say, the experience was quite exhilarating for her. I’m pretty glad she didn’t go into a panic seizure.

We have a bit of a habit of pulling over at every single vista point along highway 1.

Just not enough room for a proper jumping picture. We settled for a normal one.

We found monks. Tried to take a picture. Received the death stare. Please. Lighten up, monks.

We noticed a road across the highway heading up a giant hill. We decided we had to figure out how to get there. Not much later, we were jumping at the top of the Marin Headlands. I had been told to go here a year ago, but never quite figured out where it was. Good to finally figure it out accidentally.

Next stop: Sausalito. Cute little bayside town across from SF.

You are witnessing a McDonald’s photoshoot. Like… a model, posing with a McDonald’s bag and cup. For a McDonald’s advertisement. Glorious. Keep your eyes out for it.

Sausalito jump.

Next stop: Miur Woods. We wanted to see the redwoods.

Miur Woods jump.

Coolest trunk I have ever seen in my life. I would have taken it if I could.

Bear statues everywhere. I felt like I was in New Bern.

Next project: In-N-Out Burger.

I have had plans to go to In-N-Out burger ever since Tucker Max told me to in 2007. I kept missing the opportunities whenever they presented themselves over the past couple of years. Obviously it was on the to-do list for this trip.

Not 30 seconds after getting back on the road, we see one on the side of the highway. How convenient. We frantically pull over to see what this burger is really all about.

I don’t even really like burgers. I have probably have had MAYBE four fast food burgers in my entire life. They just don’t particularly appeal to me. But man, this burger was good. I’m a fan for life.

Project burger accomplished.

[to be continued...]