Tour Log: Raleigh to Wilmington.

[Disclaimer: The 2007 views of Helena do not necessarily reflect the current views of Helena.]

Greetings from Tallahassee! I’m sitting here in a coffee shop called “Fat Sandwich” with BJ and Chris. The others went to find a bar to loosen up after the drive, I suppose.

After blogging every detail of my travels, I’ve decided that I needed to come up with a new system of emails. I have segregated my email list into two groups: those who would be offended, and those who would not. I have a feeling that some of the people who I will be putting into the “those would would be offended” group would actually find my blogs to be great, but I just don’t know if my mom would really embrace the idea of me telling them ALL of my glory stories (this group mostly includes some family, old bosses, and family friends). It’s a real shame. You all have earned the rights to my unedited blogs.. pardon the overload of cynicism, sarcasm, and profanity. It was all absolutely necessary.

5/15/07 – Raleigh to Wilmington

Tour day 1. I sped like a demon and arrived in Raleigh just in time to meet the boys at the Lodge at 3:00, as requested. Not to my surprise, they arrived about 30 minutes late. Our original van somehow ended up in Virginia Beach the day we were supposed to leave, so Tir Na Nog spotted us a slightly smaller one to use until we reunite with the original van in Charlotte. It seemed physically impossible to fit all of the junk we had into this van. We tried about 18 different methods, and finally crammed everything in, with two rows of seats to spare. That’s not much for a 6-piece. I got shotgun, thank god. 

By the way, this was the first time I had ever met three members of the band – Chris, Bill, and Zack. I got to know them quite quickly. The ride up comprised mostly of BJ being a belligerent asshole, and us laughing at him. 

We weren’t on the road for long before we realized that the tank was on empty. I recommended that we stop at the nearest gas station. We arrive. BJ can’t seem to fill up. After trying two different pumps with no success, BJ plays asshole with the clerk, tries to steal $15.01 worth of gas (we realize we failed when we see that the gas is still empty when we hit the road), and go on our way. I have no idea how we made it to the next station. 

Eventually, we make it to Wilmington. Mapquest doesn’t quite work out for us, and we end up wandering lost around town, but eventually find our way downtown and reach the venue on Princess street. The venue was amazing. Bella Festa – fairly new.. open for only two months or so. Some neat, somewhat morbid artwork on the walls, high ceilings, a loft, and good stairs. The naked kind made of nothing but wood planks and beams. Man I love good stairs.

We are told that our bar tab is taken care of. In a bar full of crafty draft beers. What a disaster. AA is scheduled to open, a one-man acoustic act is headlining, and then AA will close with another set. It worked out nicely. AA’s first set was relatively calm and correct. The members were relatively sober. By the time of their second set, the boys were drunk. Sloppy drunk. BJ made this clear by re-introducing themselves/apologizing for being potentially sloppy on stage. Unfortunately, he slurred it so that the message was almost inaudible anyway. The set was great. Despite a bit of musical atrophy, it was full of drunken amusement. BJ recited T.I. lyrics, and Amos played bits of Alan Jackson’s “Chatahoochie” at every opportunity. I, in the meantime, hibernated by the merch stand and nursed Yuengling and Dogfish until I myself was a bit sloppy. It did not take much.

After we somehow loaded everything back into the van, we wandered over to Rhino, a club down the street. We heard it had strippers. Not literally working, but apparently strippers liked to congregate there and socialize when they weren’t naked. I was ecstatic. I quickly found my perch in a booth with Amos, Bill, and Chris. BJ wandered off with his friend Josh, the Wilmington native who offered his home to us for the night. Zack was immediately assaulted by a young girl who attended the AA show. She also happened to be a stripper. He spent most of the night stationary and grinning on the dance floor while this chick was grinding on him. Chris got dragged into the mix for a minute, but knew better and stepped out. Good call. I will give Zack some slack though.. he eventually backed out as well, but only after having his dignity removed on the dancefloor. Beautiful. I will also add that these stripper-folk could easily have been confused with any normal college student. You just never know!

Eventually, we made it back to Josh’s house, out in bumfuck Wilmington. I immediately called dibs on a couch and passed out. Hard. I don’t remember any activity past that point. Apparently I missed a lot.

1) Amos and Bill both peed in the empty lot beside the house while we were unloading the van. Apparently that lot was in fact the yard of a police chief. We later had a visit from this police chief, and Josh’s roommate, which happened to be a belligerent female idiot. She ended up fussing out the policeman, in a vocal tirade which included snippets such as “we are all over 21, you can’t do shit!” and “I can’t help it if my daddy has money!” Great move. Fortunately, the officer just made them remove the van from the lot and went on his way. 
2) Josh ended up hooking up with his belligerent female Delawarean roommate that night, for the first time ever. I predict that he is exiled within 6 months.
3) The belligerent female continued her vocal tirade within the house, looking for her “fucking phoooone” and calling random friends, demanding for them to come over and sleep with BJ (whom none of them had ever met), telling them “I don’t give a fuck about your emotions!” No success (not that BJ particularly wanted it). Somehow I never heard a thing.
4) Zach awoke for a moment to find the belligerent female kissing him in bed. Awkard. She left soon after to assault Josh.

I think that’s about it. Belligerent female does not remember a single thing from the night. Good for her.

The entire night, I dream of drinking. Mostly drinking orange soda in a Chinese restaurant with my mom and Kane. I wake up parched. And seriously, seriously nauseous. I end up barfing my brains out all morning. I’ve probably felt worse than that only once in my life. I didn’t really think I got super-wasted the night before, but apparently I did. Damn free bar tabs to hell.