Other notable fact about Utah: The beer doesn’t work. You can also get in big legal trouble if you are caught with liquor that was not purchased in the state of Utah. You also have to purchase wine at the one state liquor store allotted per city.

But yeah, other than those few alcohol-related differences, Utah is fabulous.

We woke up 3 hours later than intended. No surprise there. We packed
up our stuff in a hurry and headed east. Another long drive ahead.

We were originally going to take the slightly longer scenic route
through the Rockies, but had to cut it short (down to 7 hours) and
take the not-so-scenic route that looked a lot like Idaho. Lots of
flat land between hills and trailer parks.

We finally reached Denver pretty late. The sun was already down. I
will go ahead and tell you that I expected Denver to be a mountainous
metropolis, a large-scale Asheville of sorts. Denver is flat! The
Rockies are off in the distance, but once again, it is a big city in
the middle of utter desolation. I was really disappointed to be
honest. I’m sure it’s an awesome city, and it is still within driving
distance of the Rocky Mountains, which is certainly not something to
complain about, but it was just different than what I had expected. I
want to go back and explore it a bit more one day to really see what
it’s all about.

Our venue was a neat hipster joint, once frequented by the Grateful
Dead. Apparently they never quite got over it, as the walls are
completely covered in Dead memorabilia… and there was a lot of wall
space to cover. A tad bit overkill, but the place still looked neat.

We accidentally left Chris locked in the back of the Trailblazer, and
after about 20 minutes, realized we had forgotten the boy and went to
rescue him. Chris, who could have easily climbed over the back seat
and let himself out of the car, or called us if he was THAT lazy,
decided to do neither. We found him perched in the back, sipping on
his diet-coke, scowling at us. We let him out, and he was seriously
bitter. Not because he was trapped.. he knew he could get out. He
was simply mad that we hadn’t gone looking for him. Apparently he had
been impressed by Amos’s act of jack-assery in Utah, because tonight
during load in, Chris silently watched us unload his gear from the
trailer. When asked what he was doing, he smugly ranted about how we
were assholes and he was going to watch us load his gear tonight as
payback for neglecting him. This annoyed me a bit. I’m not a fan of
unnecessary conflict and bickerment, but I suppose that it’s
inevitable after being stuck together for more than 3 weeks with a
bunch of diva men (who I love dearly).

We settled in and Amos quickly got busy on the air-hockey machine in
the back, while I made phone calls and tried napping on a couch.
Reid’s brother Graham (whose parents we stayed with in Lake Norman)
and his wife came to catch up and see a bit of the show. They are
extremely nice people and I enjoyed having some extra company.
Another random guest made an appearance – Shelby, who manages Hideaway
BBQ in Raleigh, happened to be in Denver with her husband for a
funeral, glanced in the paper, saw the show, and came out. Shelby is
the cutest little firecracker I have ever seen. I also met two girls
who had never seen the band, but heard we were from Raleigh and wanted
to meet us because they were moving to Chapel Hill in a week. This
country gets smaller every minute.

Other than that, the crowd wasn’t plentiful. AA didn’t even start
their set until around midnight, because the opening band was far too
messed up to realize that they played 2 hours over their allotted set
time. Awesome. We eventually finished up and found a nice hotel to
settle in. Maybe next time I’ll get a better chance to explore the
city, but that first visit will do for now. Surely better than what
we’ll find in Kansas… we’ll see.

We woke up after a short late-night nap in the hotel, and soon set out
to find a bite to eat. We immediately realized that we truly were in
the middle of nowhere. Besides this hotel, a Subway, an Arby’s, and a
gas station, there was absolutely nothing in sight. In addition,
since the land was completely flat for miles, this was the most windy
part of the country I have ever set foot in. I am not exaggerating.
It was almost impossible to stand up without being blown over, let
alone walk to Arby’s. In addition, it was freaking cold. It is June,
yet it was about 45 degrees. Doesn’t make much sense. Most of you
know that I do a pretty awful job of producing body heat, so I was not
pleased. It was not long before we were back on the road, headed to
Utah. Once again, the ride was awesome as far as scenery goes, but
there are seriously no signs of life for hours before you hit skyline
again, other than the occasional mountainside trailer park. We also
hit a snowstorm! In June! The Midwest is a bizarre, cold, empty
place.

We arrive in Salt Lake City. All stereotypes had been discussed (and
argued) for several hours already, so I was ready to see what exactly
this city had in store. As I suspected, there was nothing that jumped
out at me as overwhelmingly Mormon. We found the venue, but found no
one inside, so we set out to find some grub. Bill and I were set on
finding Vietnamese food, because we had been talking about wanting it
since Dallas and were sick of waiting for it. Not to our surprise,
the other boys weren’t too keen on it. Why culture yourselves when
you can eat another Fried Chicken McShit? I don’t understand you
people. Whatever. We decided that instead of arguing, we would just
drive the blazer to the nearest car shop, since BJ’s “check engine”
light had turned on somewhere in Idaho. Bill and I had decided that
we’d be willing to compromise, as long as we could eat some sort of
noodles. Then we see it – “NOODLES.” A restaurant sitting within
walking distance of the car shop. How well did that work out? I am
ecstatic. We take care of the car (apparently nothing was wrong with
engine, but the tires were down to the wire – probably from driving
about 8,000 miles in 3 weeks), tell the mechanics about the show, and
head over to Noodles. Bill and I get exactly what we were looking for
– Pad Thai, and Amos gets the most cliché dish on the menu – chicken
noodle soup. Thank god he got his daily dose of poultry and
normality.

I will go ahead and mention that there is nothing different about this
city that you immediately observe, besides the fact that it’s in a
beeeauuuuutiful location. I’m kind of a mountain fan, and there are
plenty around here.

After dinner, we headed back to the venue and loaded in. Amos decided
that tonight he would try to push his limits and see how much total
jack-assness he could pull until we said something. He stood
snickering as we all loaded equipment, and when someone finally looked
over and asked what he was doing, he simply replied, “I’m watching you
load my shit.” We decided it was easier to just let him slide that
night and finished up loading without him. We then walked over to a
nearby coffee shop. It was HUGE. Easily bigger than your standard
restaurant. Me and BJ could have spent hours there, but the other
boys were quickly over it and ready to get back to the venue. Me and
Beej snuck back to the shop later and got another wireless fix.

I will mention the one thing that made me fall in love with SLC – they
know how to pick fun at their own stereotypes. Their local brew was
dubbed the “Polygamy Porter.” Slogan – “Why have just one?” How
beautiful is that? No shame. They had it on tap, but warned us that
it tasted awful. It wasn’t on the free-beer-for-band list, so I
refrained from trying it, but I appreciated it nonetheless.

The show was interesting. The staff and the crowd were so friendly,
and I spent much of the night getting to know the bartenders and
owner’s boyfriend. The opening band, on the other hand, were one of
the most ignorant, unprofessional, amateur folk I have ever
encountered. It’s probably better that we all either didn’t care to
learn their name, or forgot it by the end of the set. They were late
to arrive, took their time setting up, and started playing about 45
minutes late. I will also mention that their set consisted entirely
of awkward lyricless dissonant jams, ripped completely from Pink Floyd
albums. That shouldn’t necessarily be an awful thing, but they
managed to make it sound like complete rubbish. I wouldn’t have
really known the amount of Floyd they had ripped off if Zack hadn’t
run around the bar in a rage explaining exactly what song and album
each portion of the set was stolen from. They played a longer set
than they were scheduled for, broke down their gear on stage (that’s a
big no-no), and didn’t stick around to catch the other bands for even
a minute. I’m glad they find joy in tarnishing the lineups of bands
that are actually musically sound. I wonder how they sleep at night.

Next came High Beams. Total upgrade. These guys were a local
alt-country act whose lead guitarist, Mike, had been named “the best
lead guitarist SLC has seen in over 20 years.” I won’t argue it. He
seriously took the spotlight during their set. The AA boys took stage
afterwards, and played a solid set for a bigger crowd than we normally
run into on the west side. I sold a ton of merch, and the boys had to
have a little CD-signing session, which made me laugh. We said our
goodbyes to Quimby, my new friend and excellent bartender, and headed
to Mike and Veronica’s place. BJ and Mike went head-to-head on
namedropping and musical trivia, and after about 2 hours of this, I
got sick of it and went to bed in my cozy perch on the living room
floor at 4am. Overall, a good first taste of Utah. Onward to Denver.